OK...so after being a homemaker for four years, I have to go back to work. Due to the current state of affairs, finding a job has proven to be a difficult task. I don't need to tell you that "homemaker" screams "not qualified" on my resume. Regardless, I am still searching for that one activity that is going to tear me away from my kids and home for 50-60 hours a week, leaving me with just enough money (hopefully) to pay my bills and provide me with enough discretionary income to justify a somewhat modest bottle of wine when I desperately need one.
In the meantime, my plan is to earn a little cash while enhancing my qualifications and filling the gap in the timeline of my employment history. Which brings me to today: September 16, 2009. Today was my first day as a substitute teacher. Central Elementary school has been my second home for the last 6 years. In one way or another, I have volunteered my services for the enrichment of my children and the children of our community....a very worthy cause. Now I actually get paid for it. My first assignment: Mrs. Mason's second grade class, which is also, coincidentally, my 7 year-old daughter's class.
Our morning started off great and I remember thinking "this is actually fun". The children really seemed interested in learning and sharing. I was amazed at their intelligence and the sequence of their thoughts. Geography was particularly fun, with children asking questions spurring conversations about government and taxes and property...who would have ever thought a seven year old would want to know why the US government wanted to purchase the great state of Alaska, especially when it's so far away?
The second grade class was generally very well behaved, especially considering it was the start of a new school year. My daughter, Carleigh was especially helpful in secretly advising me of Mrs. Mason's classroom rules. Honestly, I was a little uncertain how she would act with her mother as the "sub". (Carleigh is never dramatic or demanding.) Today, she let me see a different side of her personality. I was amazed at how different she acted in the presence of her peers. The Carleigh I know so well was lost in the shadow of this child that sat, respectfully in her seat, and raised her hand when appropriate.
The afternoon progressed quickly; before long, I was shuffling the kids outside for afternoon recess. I was busy reviewing lesson plans for the remainder of the day when Carleigh, escorted by miss Morgan J., returned to the room. Carleigh's hair was messed up, pieces of dirt and grass stuck to her head and clothes. She was sobbing and holding her right arm. Morgan explained that she had fallen off the monkey bars and landed on her arm. She seemed very concerned and agreed to walk Carleigh down to the office while I retrieved the students from recess. Assuming Carleigh was taking advantage of this particular situation, I had convinced myself that she was fine and advised her she needed to return to class. As I tried to instruct the remaining 45 minutes of class, Carleigh quietly whimpered in her seat while holding an ice pack on her arm. This poor child will probably never forget those 45 minutes the rest of her life....scarred by the loathsome, cold and uncaring substitute teacher (a.k.a., her mom).
During those last 45 minutes of class, I slowly realized that this poor child might really be hurt. As this dawned on me, I found a moment during the chaos of packing up for the day to actually examine my child's injured arm. Guess what? Yup....swollen and tender to the touch. Now, I'm sure some of you might be able to understand the feeling that overwhelmed me at that moment. But to actually put it into words is proving to be much more difficult than I thought. Let's see....schmuck? How about cretin? You might even have a better word to describe me...
Amazingly, in her eyes I am still her mom.
(And yes, after hours in the emergency room waiting for the consult of a specialist, we discovered she indeed had suffered a broken arm.)
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You are not a bad Mom or a cretin - I likely would have done the same thing, especially on my first day as a sub. She is no worse for wear and you are still a great Mom! :)
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